Tuesday, October 22

Can't You or Won't You

"I trust you, I don't trust myself" I said through gritted teeth holding on for dear life as I glanced anxiously at my coaches face. 
I've pushed my body to its breaking point and done things I would've been scared to do three months ago. I've put my body through some of the most physically demanding challenges and come out physically exhausted, bruised, calloused, beaten up and to the point of vomiting, yet I keep coming back for more. However, there are still things I can't do, I can't push myself to do it. 

It wasn't until I was lying there horizontally, about 3 feet off the ground and he was telling me to let go of my arms so I would just hang by my feet that I cracked. He kept telling me what to do and all I could say is "I can't". He squatted down and looked at my in the eyes and said "You can't or you won't?" and I didn't know how to answer. I hung there for a moment and tried to release my hands but every ounce in my being was terrified that I'd fall to the cement floor below me and that'd be the end. "Trust me" he said and that's when I realized I trusted him 100%- I believed what he was telling me was true. He could've said anything to me in that moment and I would've believed him and trusted him; I just didn't have faith in myself, my own body and my own mind. 
The Lord says in Isaiah 40:11 "Do not fear, for I am with you" so why do we fear so much? I realize how much fear has held over my life. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known. Fear of failing miserably, fear of succeeding. Fear of the past but also fear of the future. So much fear and so little living.

Within those few seconds I had to chose to trust myself and have faith that I would not plummet to the cement ground. I let go and guess what, I'm still here today and hanging upside down isn't as terrifying as before. I put incredible faith in other people and even after being burned multiple times I continually put faith in others, yet I have the hardest time putting faith in my own self.  "Fear is an idea-crippling, experience-crushing, success-stalling, inhibitor inflicted only by yourself" Sometimes we are the ones standing in our own way. Trust in the Lord, trust in yourself, because He is always with you.

Let your FAITH be bigger than your FEAR.